The Empath vs. The Narcissist: Real Truths

*disclaimer: explicit language warning*

Here we go again … another article about empaths and narcissists because we haven’t read enough of these articles. I’ll be the first to say being an “empath” in the beginning when I was trying to understand what goes on inside the brain of a “narcissist” I read as many articles as my googling heart could find. I did find some answers, but still felt confused because empathy me was all “having feels” from being angry to compassionate for all the former narcissists in my life.

As many of you know (btw if this is your first time visiting my blog Welcome!!) I did put in the work for my own self-healing and learning how to create strong boundaries since I used to be a sponge when it came to absorbing errrrrbody’s emotions and physical feelings that I would come in contact with and it was exhausting!! Like #napsfordays

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In my business now I have a lot of empaths on my team. I love working + connecting on a deeper spiritual level with them. I teach them how to not be that sponge, to focus on their own self-healing along with sharing what I’ve learned along the way with them. And then of course recommend all of the emotional support essential oils because let’s keep it real … those heavy hitter oils that can scoop up #allthefeels imma bathe in those oils … all. of. them. Those little bottles got me through some pretty dark days, but for like five minutes I’m not going to be talking about oils in this post (OMG have I been kidnapped? … am I having a stroke? Not talking about oils?! Alert the media!!!) #dramaticme

Let’s take a look at the narcissist’s character traits.

Some people characterize narcissists as a “personality disorder,” but for learning, understanding purposes, and the fact that I’m not a clinical psychologist I’m only going to be talking about the emotions & feelings (or lack thereof), and actions of this “personality type.”

Emotions & feelings traits may include:
Lots of ego
No compassion or empathy for anyone
Selfishness, self-absorbed, believe they’re superior to others and heavy on the grandiose
Feel entitled
Can wear an “empath” mask to try and trick an empath
Need attention from others 24/7
Disregards others feelings
Takes advantage of others to get ahead without regrets because they lack a conscience
Bully or belittle others when someone else has something they lack
Lives in their own fantasy world & exaggerate how “important” they really are

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Now let’s look at the empath’s emotions & feelings traits.

May include:
Highly sensitive – can sense or feel others emotions
Sponges who absorb other’s emotions
Highly intuitive
Human lie detector
Need A LOT of alone time
Targets for energy vampires
Must recharge in nature
Needs to learn how to spot a faux empath
Can have an addictive personality
Seekers of truth & freedom
Excellent listeners – everyone vents to us which can be draining
Can struggle with boundaries
Fine-tuned senses especially with noise and smells
Big hearts but can lead to over giving, over extending themselves, getting taken advantage of and becoming doormats
Focus more on others than how they’re really feeling
Higher developed empaths are intolerant to narcissists

For my fellow empaths let’s take a look at how these above emotions & feelings traits can influence how you feel:
You’re always tired
You feel anxious around certain people
You feel physically ill around certain people
You confuse their feelings thinking they are your own
Codependent
Become people pleasers to avoid feeling pain of being judged, rejection, abandonment
Repressed anger, resentment, depression
You’re lacking self-care, self-love, and boundaries
You’re #moodyAF
You’re worrying too much
You’re drawn to suffering
You listen to the labels people put on you because you haven’t learned yet how to harness your gifts and reclaim you power

That’s a pretty intense list to get you started on the right track of how to walk confidently in your empath skin. I’m going to tell you how to harness those “bad” emotions & feelings traits of narcissists and use them to become a stronger person.

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Lots of ego
As an empath you can do #alltheyoga and “let go” of your ego, but it’s OKAY to have a little ego. You are an awesome human being with the ability to feel #allthefeels so wear that crown and hold your head up high. Just have some humility and don’t squish someone else’s ego to grow your own.

No compassion or empathy for anyone
Sometimes as empaths we literally have nothing more to give aka no fucks left to give. You are allowed to be sold out of fucks to give. If you’re around an energy vampire you better take all those fucks and throw them in the trash and walk away from them … go smudge yourself and go off the grid into the woods to recharge yourself.

Selfishness, self-absorbed, believe they’re superior to others and heavy on the grandiose
It’s okay to take a break from people, places, social media, and anything else you need alone time from. It’s okay to say NO to things you know will make you feel drained or any way you don’t want to feel. Being selfish for an empath means FINALLY putting YOURSELF first without feeling guilty that you can’t be there for the 7,000 people you’re trying to “save.” Put that oxygen mask on yourself first so you can breathe and then help others.

Feel entitled
I don’t even know WTF this is. Probably because growing up in New Jersey I learned the hustle and grind to work for your success. This is like a new thing after my xenial generation … rhymes with xenial … #icanteven

Can wear an “empath” mask to try and trick an empath
I’ve been tricked more than once in the past, but now that I work from home like a hermit not around many people and their crap energy, have been studying Herbalism + Shamanism for the last 3 years, plus all of the self-care/self-love work I’ve done on myself has all helped me to reconnect with myself and hear that positive, intuitive voice instead of that crap ass negative voice in my head that I can now for the most part drown out. Reconnect with your inner child and your true self on what you’re truly passionate about? what are your strong beliefs? how can you be a decent human being? – all of that will help you to identify these fake asses when they try to cross your boundaries. I’m sure in the future I may get tricked again too because these skills while perfecting them are subject to human error.

Need attention from others 24/7
Find your tribe that will celebrate you, but we as empaths know the world doesn’t revolve around us. Celebrate your accomplishments even if you don’t have that tribe yet, treat yoself and take yourself out for a self-love day. Although I do love a good cuddlefest (aka 4’11” me crushing my husband to death cuddle smothering him) I also love my space. Claustrophobic me twitches out when he tries to do the same thing I do to him … he does this to watch my t-rex arms go flying and then I start hysterical laughing. #truelovebelike

Disregards others feelings
My fellow empaths … turn off your feels right now! Throw everyone else’s feels in the trash. How are YOU truly feeling? It’s okay to shut off the world of feels. This is so you can become stronger at putting up your own personal boundaries. You are teaching people how to treat you and if you’re just leaving your door open like you’re having Black Friday Sales you’re gonna absorb A LOT of crap that’s not yours. We’re not hoarding everyone else’s trash feels anymore. KonMari those feels and only keep those feels that spark joy for you.

Takes advantage of others to get ahead without regrets because they lack a conscience
First of all, as empaths we have a conscience so for this one all I will say is keep those boundaries #firmAF You’re not a doormat. Know your worth and fight for what you deserve. How do you want to be treated? Teach them how to treat you.

Bully or belittle others when someone else has something they lack
Bullying and belittling someone else to make your low self-esteem feel better is not cool. Don’t do it. As empaths we have no tolerance for bullying and we’re gonna call you out on it, stick up for ourselves and anyone else who’s being bullied. #nobulliesallowed

Lives in their own fantasy world & exaggerate how “important” they really are
Idk about you guys but in my dream world I have no stress, there’s rainbows and unicorns, and I live on the beach. My Pinterest is full of baking recipes I’ll never bake and DIY projects I’ll never do … in my dream world I make #allthethings In reality, my favorite pastime includes being a hot mess. We all have our own dreams big or small. You’re allowed to have dreams. You ARE important because you’re taking those action steps to follow all of your dreams. You know your worth and you work hard every day to accomplish your goals. In my eyes empaths are extremely important to the world to create the change we all need – more love, more compassion, more communication and understanding of why something or someone is the way they are.

The real truth for an empath’s personal growth is that we do need to take a page out of the narcissists book and focus more on OURSELVES. We can have an ego and a conscience because we don’t use people to get ahead in our life. Our ego is used as a self-confidence tool. But we really need to stop focusing so much on everyone else. The delicate dance between the empath vs. the narcissist emotions and feelings traits can become blurred when boundaries are crossed.

Sometimes we have an unhealthy addiction to narcissists because of how we are. There is no blame game. Once you become a woke empath that’s when the real change within starts to happen. Your whole world will change. You’ll either confront those narcissists and cut the cord OR if that’s too much energy wasted, you’ll cut the cord by ghosting them. Either way you do what’s right for YOU. Afterwards is a great time to do all of your favorite spiritual rituals to wash away all of that hoarded negative energy. If you don’t have any energy cleansing rituals let me know and I’ll tell you #allthethings I do to clear/cleanse my energy field.

crystals

Look within your empathetic heart that you carelessly throw around and give to other people. Give to yourself for a change. I know it sounds like tough love and weird at first. It might even be uncomfortable for the super givers to finally put themselves first, but just try it. What have you got to lose? besides all those energy vampires and narcissists!

I hope my spin on empaths vs. narcissists was helpful for you to learn and maybe less confusing. Please let me know your thoughts. Feedback is one of the ways I love to learn and grow, plus it helps me pay it forward and share with all of you what I learn along the way too. #empathsbelike

Are you a newbie empath awakening to your gifts or struggling with boundaries? I’d love to chat with you. Feel free to reach out and send me a message! And if you’re an OG empath I definitely would love to connect with you too!! Thank you for reading!

xoxo
Becky Eidam

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About the Author: Becky Eidam (pictured above) writes from the heart whether she is writing about Keepin’ It Real, Skincare & Beauty, All Things Spiritual, and of course, one of her passions teaching about Essential Oils and the Essential Oiled Lifestyle. She sometimes hesitates to publish her Keepin’ It Real writings thinking that they may be a little “too harsh” or “too emotionally charged,” but she quickly reminds herself WHY she started that specific section, to empower and inspire Everyone in need of a little support on their Spiritual and Self-Care journeys. After it goes through Becky’s editors for a little proofreading she snaps out of it and trusts that by giving people the tools to empower themselves to turn their dreams into reality she will get to know and be surrounded by some pretty amazing Self-Care Warriors.
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