Everyone always says “Oooh things are going to change when you get pregnant.” They make any exciting life event sound like doom, gloom and dread. I hate it! I hate being told “how things are going to be.” Like, do you even know me bro? I always joke with my husband at how I am a peach to live with just to see him make that cute squinty face he makes when he knows I am full of shit. LMAO! No, but seriously, the only “naggy” things I do to him are like so basic. “Don’t forget to take out the garbage.”
Other than that, I’m pretty laid back unless I’m having a hormonal moment of crying while squeal talking or having a crazy eyes moment. Throughout this pregnancy I have been pretty mellow with having moments of cryfests when my emotions and #allthefeels takes over me. Currently lots of happy tears, crying at the dumbest things ::sees butterfly:: … ::goes into hysterical cryfest about how beautiful it is::
We’ve been together for 100 years so we’ve had a million years to strengthen our relationship. My advice in this post is not strictly for husband & wife combos. This can also be applied to the LGBTQ community. Two daddies, two mommies, two human beings who will become a party of 3 (or 4, or 5, or however many kids you have).
These tips might be so basic you may already do some of them, but if you love making lists like me it’s good to have those little reminders that you’re living your best life.
Include Your Partner in Basic Decisions. Will this baby be raised in religion, spirituality or something else? Will this baby be vaccinated? If we’re having a boy will we do a circumcision? These sound like heavy topics when you say them out loud, but if you’re taking on the responsibility of having and caring for a child you already know each other’s values, beliefs and what each of you stands for. You’ve already built that strong foundation so if you disagree on something you can discuss it in a healthy way and share why you believe what you believe without yelling at each other.
Set up your baby registry together. This might sound like the littlest, most unimportant thing on your “to-do” list, but watching your partner light up when you create that account together is a big thing! My husband was more excited than I was to set up our registries. I was overwhelmed at “all the things” we needed to add to the registry & where do we even start?! The small things add up to the big things. This little thing helps your partner not only feel included with the baby product decisions, but it also gives them attention too, especially right now when everyone is all about the baby mama – until the baby comes & then the parents will be invisible to the cutest baby in the world.
Go to the baby stores together for the first time. We registered at Target, Amazon, and Buy Buy Baby. My husband and I had an entourage at Buy Buy Baby with my mom, MIL, and one of my BFFs. My MIL told me my husband said the sweetest thing while I was running around the store with my BFF going to scan town scanning all the things. He said he was so happy he came with us. Now, you know that made me ugly cry happy tears when she told me because everything I’ve been doing to include him has made him feel totally appreciated AND included cuz umm… we made this baby together.
Go to your doctor appointments together. My husband wants to come to every appointment. Before that 14-week safe zone I had some bleeding multiple times and was terrified, so for those unexpected emergency appointments he was at work and couldn’t make them. Do your best with appointments, but always put your health and your baby’s health first even if your partner can’t make an appointment. Having peace of mind in that stressful first trimester is priceless.
Increase your communication. Right now, I still feel like a delicate flower. There are certain things around the house I can’t do being pregnant. My husband is overwhelmed with not only taking care of his responsibilities in all aspects of his life, but now having to pick up my slack. I am constantly thanking and complimenting my husband for all his help around the house and every time he does something that would be “my job.” I make sure to show him my appreciation and cook him his favorite meals too. Again, these little things will add up and make your partner feel like they’re a big deal – which they are because you chose them and chose to start a family together.
Give a baby gift to your partner. At our gender reveal a few family members gave us gifts. Most of these gifts were for the baby and some for mama (like the 50,000 nursing bras I added to the registry bc I can’t make a decision). My MIL had a gift for my husband at the party which I thought was such a great idea to again include him in the gift opening. She got him the diaper backpack he wanted which of course that made me cry happy tears too. The gift can come from you, family or friends. It doesn’t matter who gives the gift to your significant other because it makes them feel included too. I find it is even more special when it comes from family or friends because it makes your partner feel good that others are thinking about them too.
Date night + spend time together. During the week we work and do our own things up until dinner time. The weekends are our time to spend together. We enjoy spending time together doing new, fun, exciting things. We like building memories together and traveling to new places or trying a new restaurant. Remember “things are going to change” (ugh tell those people to shut the F up!) but when this baby is born you might not have all the time you have now to spend together because your house just grew. Spend as much time together now so when the baby is born, you’ll be able to figure out your new routine together.
Include each other in the big AND little moments during your pregnancy. Recently I started to feel flutters in my stomach. I took my husband’s hand and put it on my belly. He said he could feel waves moving and his face lit up. I wasn’t sure if he would be able to feel anything since they are so faint and quick right now, but I am including him in as many things as I can possibly think of. Getting pregnant has strengthened our relationship because we are communicating a lot more about all kinds of little things that could turn into big things if you ignore them.
If, like me, someone excluded you from something you know how crummy it made you feel. You get mad at that person and maybe even start to resent them. No one wants to be excluded from anything.
Including your partner is a two-way street. I have read some horror stories about unsupportive partners in online groups. It breaks my heart and makes me mad at the lack of empathy & compassion. Inclusion works only when you work together. That doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells around each other or mold yourself into someone you’re not just to make the other person happy. It means speaking up about what your beliefs are and working as a team through the good, the bad, the scary, and the ugly moments.
A strong rooted foundation makes an unshakable relationship.
Has your relationship gotten better or worse since becoming pregnant or maybe you’re adopting a child or having a surrogate? What’s working for both of you? What is something you’re struggling with? I’d love to hear your words of wisdom whether you’re a first-time mama like me or a seasoned pro mama! Leave a comment or send me a message. We’re all in this growing and raising children together! Thank you for stopping by and reading!